Sunday, May 20, 2007

there seems to be a lot of quarrelling in my home these few days.. between me and my brother and me and my mom.

and it seems im always at fault. for being the one to start the fight. for being the one who made a mistake.

for the longest time ive been wanting my brother and i to have a good relationship. but nobody can clap with one hand, i need his participation if i want it to work. the thing is, he doesnt want to fix it. he simply doesnt care. he doesnt care because i cant do anything to affect him.

for example, if he's annoyed by me constantly asking him to pick up after himself. he can choose not to be annoyed and not do what i say. thus making ME annoyed. so, its me and unhappiness always. i cannot win. i simply cannot.

he swears at me all the time even if i talk nicely to him. he just refuses to respect me. or at least treat me the same way i treat him. if i shout at him, ok lah, the unwritten law allows you to shout back at me. but i dont get the same even if i speak nicely to him.

he's really selfish. but he doesnt see it.

anyway, just a while ago, my uncle needed to take my sister's phone. my sister started complaining about having to transfer all her stuff to her new phone, i thot i could help by just switching the memory card, but i didnt check the type beforehand so apparently it wasnt the same. i already took my sister's card out and when i put it back, apparently all her pictures are gone. and then i get scolding from my mom.

every time they have a tech problem, they ask me to fix it. phone problem, com problem, printer problem. i fix it. then when i make a small mistake like the above situation, ive made the worst mistake ever. they forget all the times i helped them fix other stuff.

and everything just boils down to me not being appreciated.

nice, i absolutely adore feeling that way.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

My! havent i posted for quite some time.

nothing much really happening.. seriously, since im on internship now.

internship = no life.

haha.. anyways, you know how it is that if you start waking up at a certain time everyday, after some time you will get used to it and wake up automatically?

why isnt it happening for me? ive been waking up at 5am for about a month but im still tired as hell when i wake up. sometimes even when i have 8 hours of sleep. that feeling sucks lah.. like you wanna go back to sleep but you cant. id rather have that automatic body alarm clock so you're "awake" when you're supposed to wake up.. know what i mean? haha..

also, another thing that's starting to be a pain, are the E-journals!! OMG. so fucking irritating to update!!

furthermore now is the stage where i pretty much will be doing the same thing for a while so there isnt really alot to reflect about or to learn.. so it's quite hard to find things to write. also, not only do we have to reflect in our ejournals on vbus, we have a logbook to fill too! grr. i dont like them.

anyhoos, weekends are my only holidays.. none of the one month/2 weeks holiday you guys get in school.. boy do i miss those.. haha.

saturdays are for fadzly and sundays are for my momma. fridays and mondays are available for friends but i have to be home before 9. :). hahahaha.. tuesdays, wednesdays and thursdays will be for training.. it's quite hard meeting fadzly once a week.. i used to be able to see him everyday.. not that i didnt treasure those times but i still wish they could happen. i will be in this state for 6 months!!! well 5 more if you count from now.. SIP ends in september.. sooooo freaking long.. :(

on another note, tpiranhas has done really well for the past 3 games and we have won the 3rd place in the summer touch league! i hope we get some certificates but nonetheless.. well done everyone. :). proud to have been given the honour to lead the team.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

warning: what im about to post is going to ruffle some feathers. it is regarding the STL touch team. if you do not wished to be ruffled, i recommend you leave now instead of dropping some anonymous tag. i am saying it loud and clear now, repect my right to say what i want here and this is a post in which i do not want to be challenged. i will ask for opinion, but be kind with your words. thank you.

if you decide to stay then read on..




so, this saturday will be our game against blacks, the one at the top of the game right now. i cant help but wonder if i should encourage the "we're gonna lose but we'll fight like hell" stance. because first, i dont think anyone in the team wants to admit from the start that they're going to lose. BUT, in all my experiences, a team that behaves like the above mentioned quote, ALWAYS ALWAYS puts up a good fight and play better than they ever do. who knows, with sheer determination they might just win the top dog.

i have seen it with my own eyes. ok, this isnt rugby, but i was watching a hockey match. it was Police vs Jansenites. Police was at the top of the league. Jansenites was 4th. beaten by ORA (that was 2nd at that time) and beaten by SCC (who was 3rd at that time). but you know what?

JANSENITES BEAT POLICE.
score was 2 - 1. it was amazing. you shouldve seem the Jansenites players defend and play with their hearts out. it was truly inspiring for me because it showed me that with determination you really can do wonders.

to me, it seems to be rather hard to instill such determination in the STL team. pardon me if im wrong, because i dont see the drive. there has been progress from week one, but honestly, to me, it's not quite there yet.

so honestly, of course i would love for us to win. but, i think this saturday we are going to lose. but you know what, even if we are going to lose, we're NOT going to give blacks an easy time. and who knows, with that force, we might just turn things around.

as an end note, if you are a person who is now pissed/unhappy. i had warned you before. keep your peace, i said this is what I feel. now i will ask for opinions, do you think i should instill the "we're gonna lose but we'll fight like hell" spirit in my team?

AGAIN, please be constructive and kind with your words. i will truly appreciate it. NO FUCKING ANONYMOUS TAGS PLEASE.