ruby's crap.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

recently, i have been feeling like neither me as a person nor my actions are appreciated.

people are focusing on what i havent done or what i dont do rather than what i have done, what i have been doing or what i am trying to do.

and i always seem to be apologising, even when i have done my best.

because apparently, my best just - isnt - good - enough. or deemed by them as, not my best.

you know what people, i am TIRED. you may think that's a shit excuse but you try it. wake up at 5am, sleep at 11pm coz you have committments to go to or to do. i just wish people didnt make me feel guilty or bad for not doing enough when i have tried to.

people can probably come up with a million things to say like other people are in SIP too and they arent complaining or school is no different and what else. but you know what, i really, couldnt be bothered. because if you have a thought like that, you probably are one of the people who dont appreciate the things that i have done.

a private post lies somewhere. one to follow up on this.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

yesterday i had a fun time with fadzly sexy amir. we went fishing!! :D. AND WE CAUGHT 2 BLOWFISHES!! WOOOOOO!! exciting as hell!!

it was SUCH an experience. :D. we let the fish go after we caught them. i got pictures! i even saw a jellyfish in the longkang! NOT JOKING!! the picture kinda sucks. coz i couldnt zoom close enough and my camera phone doesnt have a superb resolution. but it was super cute. haha.

this is the first blowfish we caught! i didnt take a picture of the second one.

No lie! that's fadzly holding the fish. it's actually really cute and kept making funny noises.

that's the jellyfish. i know it looks like a piece of whatever floating in the longkang but i swear it was a jellyfish and it was cute as hell.

another shot of the jellyfish! not like it's a better shot but.. whatever. haha. ok i just found out, if you save the picture, you can zoom in using windows picture viewer. and you can see the jellyfish!! it's swimming towards the right of the picture.

i cant wait to go fishing again!!

on a another note, it's a pity a certain person who should get my respect, is not getting any from me. i'm sorry but i cant bring myself to. maybe its because you havent shown me that you deserve my respect.

on the last note, this year's ms singapore universe contestants are officially the crappiest.

Friday, April 20, 2007

a lot of times, i am a shit person who is extremely selfish and not worthy of anybody's patience.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

alright, i know i owe you guys the first day post. didnt get round to doing it because i was tired. shit excuse, i know. haha.

first day. i was late. haha. fuck not funny. dont wanna talk further. not that i left late ok. bus fucking slow and fucking late. end of story.

there was an orientation to just sort of inform the interns what the company is about.. do some admin stuff and had a tour around the facilities. they have 2 offices in the building. one is on the 6th floor (news) and one is on the 31st (everything else, like comm, marketing, finance).

first day was pretty much just knowing which show you are attached to; thus which team. i'm with cash flow. the people are very nice. this one guy is very funny, and very helpful. they all are actually, it just seems like i talk to him more than anyone else. haha.

my show (shut up fadzly, yes i own the show) airs at 10am and thus i have to be there at 7am. im always there at around 630 - 645. haha, i just realised my always actually is only 2 days. i dont do much yet, basically i research stuff about the guests slated to be on the show and i just tried my hand at prompting today. which i screwed up on the very turn. haha. it's controlled by a knob so i turned it too much. so everyday, the schedule is pretty much like this.

630 - 7am: I reach the office and tap my cool access card as well as punch in the key number to enter the office.
7 - 8am: I read the business and financial news that i think is related to my show. check email coz the team members email related news clippings around to the rest of the team. I HAVE A CNBC ACCOUNT. you want to email me? :D its ruby.tan@cnbcasia.com(.sg). i'm not sure if there is a .sg. if you get a delivery failure, then its tan.ruby. haha im really not sure but how cool is it that i have an email there?!
8 - 8:15am: short meeting discussing flow and topics of show.
8:15 - 10am: its either more research, learning how to use the iNews software they use to communicate and pass news around/create schedule for shows or following the news assistants to view footages and do editing.
10 - 12pm: in studio! watching producers and directors do work. i do prompting. their system is different from what we learnt in multicam. for one, they have alot more screens and camera. two, they dont have cameramen. 3, the producer actually calls the shots while the technical director chooses the camera to take. assistant producer handles the graphics to be put on screen. prompter (at the moment, me), rolls the knob for the anchors.
12 - 1pm: lunch! by now my stomach is hurting already.
1 - 3pm: more learning of iNews and research for slated guests.

i always leave at around 3 odd. i wanna go catch some sleep now and go for training at 7. meaning i have to leave at 6. tomorrow waking up at 5 so i suppose i wanna come home asap to catch more sleep.

ta everyone! and those on SIP please tag to tell me your experience! i hope you guys are having fun. :)

PS:/ I miss my chapsy.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

oh my god. sip is starting tomorrow. i know i should really take it one day at a time, but i cant help thinking that this is a 6 month committment i need to take.

6 months is a pretty long time if your work SUCKS. to me, the worst thing is to dread going to work.

normally, as you all know, i am a pretty optimistic person. so i dont know why im taking such a negative approach to my SIP (student internship programme). everybody else seems pretty happy with what they got.

maybe its just the news bit. haha. i am SO not news. im always willing to learn about working in a television station but i would honestly, hate, to be reading up about business and current affairs. hahaha. thing is, i can get myself to sit down and read, but about 2 paragraphs in, im like.. zzzzzzzzzzz i cant do this. so :(.

digression: anybody else thinks its stupid we are paying school fees to WORK?!
another digression: anybody else thinks friendster's new comments/testimonial thing is stupid?

another worry is my wardrobe! oh my god i really dont know what to wear. i dont wanna dress too commonly (typical office lady), yet i think what i have is too casual. im just gonna bank on my outfit for the first day and ask about dress code then hopefully!!! casual is okay. i wont be sloppy lah of course. that'll be stupid.

i think what i want out of my internship is experience and CONTACTS. network network network. that's what you need if you wanna be in the media industry. i know i definitely will not stand out as a person who would do well in a news station. but hopefully someone who knows someone will notice my character and say "hey you wanna try working at xyz company? they're looking for xxxxxxxx". and by saying all that i mean xyz company is going to be a fun (i.e not news/business/current affairs) company. haha. a company that my character will be good for!

but really, if all else fails, HELLO S.I.A! hahaha. "hi sir, would you like coffee, tea or me?" lol.

please wish me all the best, and any comments/advice would be greatly appreciated.

on the last note, thank god its a 5-day week meaning i will still have a life on friday evenings and saturdays (HI FADZLY). tues wed and thurs are dedicated to rugby trainings! both contact AND touch! who knows i might join hockey trainings in school on mondays. haha. wah. MULTI-TASKING YO.

honestly i just hope i can survive the 6 months without dying. k that's all. goodbye until my next entry which is well.. tomorrow, i think i would like to update about my first day! that's assuming im still alive. haha.

Monday, April 09, 2007

operation: fall asleep by fadzly's side. mission 80% accomplished. :D (long post!)

friday and saturday was one of the most memorable and lovliestest time of my life. i went to changi beach to stay over with fadzly and his family (excluding his parents). it was very nice. i felt welcomed and his cousins kept wanting to talk to me so that was cool. :D. i think his sister still wants to kill me but i dont know.

i scored points when i helped his cousin with her injury. haha! :p. coz i said i was a certified first aider. hahahahahha. they seemed quite impressed.

bbq food is awesome, especially the stingray with sambal and whole dried prawns! i miss the beef kebab, one of the aunties didnt have time to make. aww.. there was prawns, chicken, the usual bbq fare. prawns are always awesome. had more at the tpiranhas bbq the next day. haha. NOT good for my throat at all.

but anyway, things didnt go exactly smoothly. after fadzly and i went to buy a tent, i found out his aunts told him that we couldnt sleep together in the same tent!! muslim sin, see. so kwa kwa kwa.. i was kinda bummed but not really coz i was hanging around with him the entire day and night anyway. so after some fishing, they went to play some uno. that was around 2am close to 3. i went to the tent to sleep coz i was bored and, normally i last until 5am but that is if i have something to do. i didnt, so i got sleepy.

so i was falling asleep when i heard someone zipping the tent up; i left the "door" open so more wind could enter (a very nice cool breeze i might add). and i sleepily said, "dont zip" and i saw that it was fadzly. and i woke up and i asked him if he was going to sleep.. he said no and i asked if he was still playing uno and he said he didnt feel like. so! he asked if we wanted to take a groundsheet and just lie down somewhere else. opportunity!! so of course i said yes.

we went all the way nearer the end and just laid there. almost falling asleep but never. thus the 80%. coz i didnt exactly fall asleep. hahahahhaa. ok warning sappy part; feel free to skip the entire paragraph.

so there we were just laying in each other's arms, looking at each other and giving each other small kisses pretty much all over the face. hahaha. must have been the best 2 hours of my life. *contented smile* the moon was shining bright and round, and stars dotted the night sky. there were some planes flying past once in a while which were actually really, really loud. haha. and we were just there holding each other. all that love. woah. haha. i love love. i have never felt that loved before ever. until fadzly appeared in my life. sometimes i like to think everything ive ever experience was leading up to meeting him. it would take another post to explain everything and i probably will never share with you guys coz you wouldnt believe it anyway. it's all going to be cliches but its true, meeting fadzly is one of the best things that has happened to me. people often either give up compatibility for chemistry or vice versa, but i get to take my cake AND eat it. fadzly and i are both compatible AND have chemistry. i am lucky, yes i know!

we had to leave at around 6am. and when we walked back i went to the tent to sleep. i tell you! i mustve been seriously knocked out! ok, you know those plastic fans they put on baby prams? well i woke up when i was turning and my arm hit the blades to a jarring sound; pretty much to a shock as well. haha. who came in and put it there?! thank you very much it was really nice. :). but really.. the best best best thing, was waking up to the view of the beach. in all its white sand, sun and turquoise blue glory. ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!!

okay so perhaps the blue isnt that turquoise but i reckon changi beach really isnt that bad. fadzly begs to differ but that's only coz he's seen better. haha.

lovely lovely time in all.. just hanging out and relaxing. :). i keep thinking about the whole thing.. camping out by the beach. would DEFINITELY do it again. and i recommend it to all couples who wanna hang out somewhere but cant go to each others' house or rent a hotel room. a tent is realatively cheap. depending on the size, a 2-men can be $35; we bought a $49 3-men. just pitch and hang out!! food shouldnt be a problem, hawker centre is walking distance. if you're gonna set up your own bbq that's okay too. i just saw in a flyer that a bbq pit is like $18. hahaha.

one week left to relax before 6 months of hell!! (hopefully not though)