ruby's crap.

bored bored bored bored. just came back from breakfast and market. yes shut up i accompany my mom to the market like a grateful daughter. but i curse every single idiot who cant fucking walk properly and kick the dirty water on my leg. fucking retards. and i'm bored. so i come here. and theres nobody online. i thot i come on now and spend the whole afternoon reading my new book. =D. i cant wait to go shopping again. its damn exciting. i think retail therapy works for me you know. maybe i'll go again next weekend, after i get my pay. weeee..

updated wishlist, aaaaand.. erm.. dont know? i'm feeling happier and happier day by day. its such a great relief i tell you. saleh, faster come, it feels good. haha.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

My direction is pointed out.

Me and saleh rowed a boat. now we are at the jetty. our leg muscles are weak. damn weak. i am climbing out.. and climbing out onto the jetty.. is especially hard.. because our muscles are damn weak.. but i have made it first. and i am to walk the path, as i walk, my muscles will grow stronger.. i am to walk ahead.. and not look back.. saleh, come join me? it is damn hard to get out of the boat and climb onto the jetty, but once you do, its a huge relief and accomplishment. let us walk the path and let our muscles grow, and we can be happy again. =).

today went shopping alone again. people, i seriously encourage shopping alone. i swear its fun!! went to ps, bought facial wipes, and the body shop lip enhancer, then walked down to heeren to buy my shirt. after buying my first shirt, i checked out the second store i wanted to get something.. but sadly it was out of stock.. oh well. i'll check again next week. after that, went to borders to meet ahmad and his friend jarell. study and slack there.. while waiting for them, checked out a book and bought it!! yay! then saw clare and sha. clare you have a uber nice shirt! then after they finished studying, as in ahmad and jarell, we went to meet 2 of their friends. very friendly people. natasha and farah, dont know if i spelt farah right. then go far east to eat dinner.. walk somemore and then go home. what a day.

i feel much much better. i guess, climbing out of the boat was all that i needed to do, walking is so much easier, and my muscles are growing. i'm really happy. and its great because we're still friends and we still can go out have fun and crap around. well, things are certainly looking up. =).

Friday, April 15, 2005

i think i'm actually over him. i think i dont want him anymore. wtf? so fast? you gotta be kidding. who knows its just a hoax. like the last time. i thot i was over navin, then the next day like him back again. bah this sucks.

i talked to haziq last night. he heard me out. haha thanks. we are going jamming. but once again. we dont have a drummer. where are all the drummers?!?!!?!?! i think like punk, DRUMMERS ARE DEAD. lmao. kidding, dont kill me farhan.

wrote to tp via email, informal letter lah. then erm i spilled out everything. then they said: thank you for your interest in tp, please furnish your full name and ic number and something something.. something. then i did. yea so now just waiting for reply. i really hope i can get the course i want. i am seriously willing to do anything. no sex. lmao. LMAO. i'm so stupid. i mean. WHO THE HELL WOULD WANT TO FUCK ME?! hahahaha..

Thursday, April 14, 2005

i'm hooooome.. ok well.. nothing much to post about really.. leyna came for lunch.. then slacked until i got off. erm.. yea thats about it really.

here's the lyrics for mae - soundtrack for our movie. i am buying the everglow!! :D:D

I started to ache when I started to think of you.
Wondering how long it would take
before I step into something new.
There's only so much I can fake.
There's only so much that I can prove.
Well, do it in a minute,
I could go play the fool for you.

Lights, camera, action.
I think I'm going for it this time.
There's something you should listen to.
Could I take you for a car ride?
This is the soundtrack for our movie.
Would you tell me when we get to the best part?
I'll play it for you.
Oh no, I think I've lost this one.
Can we try again?

Well I'm a wreck.
I really can't explain it but I,
I hear the music when I look at you.
Orchestrating the song to accommodate the moment.
Well, I'm so in love with you.

Are you looking for an answer?
Because I could really use a friend tonight.
We can make this last forever.
We don't have to fear the sunlight.

I'll take a chance and steal away this movie moment.

I'm in deep whenever I'm with you.
I'm directing the scene that has you and me forever.
We'll I'm so in love with...

nice uh.

*I dont think you realise at all that it still hurts
and the tears still flow at night.*

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

i got another msg first! :) :) :). so happy. hahaha.. i wonder if he realises that i miss him even more when i'm not talking to him. anyway today after getting off work.. i had alot of maybes in mind.. but for me.. my maybes always just make me disappoint myself.

most probably meeting leyna at my cafe tomorrow for dinner.. she wants to try the food there. then what, shopping again ah i guess. eh who is going to the usss thing man. i think i should propose that if say we can get over what 200 people to go, $20 can return us. then at least people will try to get people to go. erm. nothing much to talk about lah really. ok bye.

*literally thinking about you every moment*

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

you all know something. shopping alone is fun and liberating. i swear! coz that's what i did today. but unfortch i didnt carry enough money to actually buy clothes. haha. there's this great shop- oh wait, better not reveal, later everybody start going there =s. anyways, went to heeren to walk.. then walked to plaza singapura.. where i headed to spotlight and bought my plastic flowers!! the pretty ones. =D. theres this purple+black rose (penny are you going to kill me?) this is more rounded. and then theres a sorta red-maroony sharper edges kind of rose. weee.. now i just need glue and safety pins. damn annoying. i think i really should go buy safety pins in bulk. ha-ha. quit drum class today.. boohoo.. then erm.. oh yea i saw derek cai! haha.. ehh.. work, ok.. and erm. not much. oh wait! before i forget. the strangest thing happened. i was at times (the bookstore) and looking for the final chapter of the vampire earth. i was standing like as if against the wall but not leaning on it. suddenly, my right forearm the hair like stand you know. and i turned to look to my right, and there was this really CUTE malay guy who walked pass. eh cute you know! hahaha.. then i like keep thinking wtf? why the hand got the hair standing thing. then i was like half hoping before i walk away he asks for my number or something =x lol.

anyways, today, he msged me early in the morning. I WAS SO DAMN FREAKING HAPPY OK! my phone vibrate.. and i'm like.. bahh.. who's it gonna be.. but half excited as well. then suddenly i see the top, his name. and i was like. SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEAM!!! hahahahaa.. not out loud.. and it really made me smile for the rest of the day :). then later halfway at work, he msgsed me first, AGAIN. omg like. double! power lah i was like damn happy.. although abit disappointed that he couldnt meet up with me before i go for drum class because he has ite stuff to settle. but hey.. i'd really rather have those 2 initiated msgs than a silent phone (apart that call from my grandmother haha). weeee so happy.. hahaha.. all of you who are like really surprised that i'm so happy over 2 msgs and think that its no big deal. shut up. and fuck you.

Monday, April 11, 2005

wahahaha.. friendster horoscopes know how to make people happy? lol.

Isn't love grand? If you're not already convinced, you will be soon. This is love of the intense, passionate kind. Okay, so it's Monday, and you really should be concentrating on work. Think priorities.

eh can someone like tell me anot? are all these friendster horoscope true? went out with yani today to acc her for interview and shopped around abit. bought the freshbox t-shirt, that i'm going to paint away the logo. haha. then bought my facial wash. coz mine finishing and there was like 30% off on it. then i bought cleo magazine, to keep myself occupied. then near going home time, yani and i bought old chang kees and went to starbucks to sit down and slack, where we saw this really hot eurasian guy, but.. the next minute i looked, he was blowing smoke out of his mouth. what a turn off man. haha. then we went home.. talked.. oh yea i ta pao a cranberry scone home also. mMm.. intending to spend more money! not that i want to but come to think about it, i havent gone on a shopping spree in such a long time. and i do need clothes for poly. i think i'll get a couple more tee shirts and another pair of.. more fitting jeans. then maybe get a new haircut.. coz still waiting for it to grow long. mMm.. on the whole the day was quite distracting but sometimes got think about it.. i'm going to the library someday to borrow books. so i can keep myself occupied when i am at home.

eh who's going USSS gathering ah. $45 is alot. and i was joking with yani say we share the money then we share the chair and the food. hahaha.. i scared i spend the money then its not worth it. how? will old students be going? then at least got eye candy. hahaha.. who is going!! yani suggested that we can go to someone's house beforehand to prep up. i think that'll be fun. but first we have to find out where the hotel is located at. copthorne. so familiar but i have no idea where it is. haha. wah lau and then some more if iget my pay this week, then its $24 x 3 = $72 - $45 = only $27!! where got enough for shopping! oh i forgot about my pocket money. HAHA. still hope i can save $20 a week. ok thats all for today. bye!

seeing mini coopers makes me sad. =(

Sunday, April 10, 2005

haiz. i havent messaged him all morning and up till now.. and he hasnt msged me either..

ok, the horoscope from the seventeen mag is something like this- a serious relationship dilemma needs to be resolved-- fast! if you dont start telling bla bla bla how you feel, he's going to look elsewhere for attention. around the 9th, you'll expect him to do all the chasing, but he wont-- you'll be doing the chasing.

its somewhat lyddat lah ok. so, am i suppose to sms him? just to tell him that i'm still there? or just forget it? i think i wait till night to see if he sms.. dont want to become a pain in his cute perky ass. hahahahaha.. oops. eh! are you people still coming my blog man! haha.. come lah.. i give you cookies. =D

Saturday, April 09, 2005

haiz. to heck with it all.

I FEEL SUPER LIKE SHIT NOW.

weeeeeeeeeeeeee.. he messaged me. *enjoy the moment* :) :) :).

i'm not crazy anymore. and heres another smile. =)

will some nice person count my smiles for me?

oh and i noticed i am blogging quite a number of posts today. wahahaha.. oh and heres something friendster came up with also.

me and hakim:
Sure, one of you has a tendency to be a little flaky, but something about the combo now is rock-solid. Perhaps you know each other well enough to recognize and accept each other's shortcomings; one of you is always late, for instance, so the other brings the newspaper and relaxes while waiting. Maybe your talents are complementing each other perfectly; one of you is working the social angle while the other does the organizing. Whatever the case may be, the results you can get now are gorgeously concrete.

hmm.. the word they used is 'now'.. and.. what i'm seeing iiiiis???? i really wonder what. but its true about how we complement each other character-wise =). maybe this horoscope abit old. lol.

i hate being an annoying bitch. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY FUCKIN COUPLES AROUND?!??!?! oh no i'm really becoming crazy. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrgh. stop stop! i dont want to be crazy! i just want...... something that i cant have right now. and i swaer its eating up my insides like nobody's business. fuck. i hate you freaking couples. =(. sorry, dont hurt me. i'm just jealous. =(.

BUT HERE'S ANOTHER SMILE FOR YOU
=)
sorry that was the biggest the create post thingy allowed me to put. i want a huge one.

now i feel even more like fuck after reading this certain person's blog. dead jealous. argh. but here's another smile for you =).

i think i'll end up crazy some day. already well on my way man.

oh anyways jamming was quite fun. i played the drums. i think i actually have to end up as the drummer for this band. mMm.. use clare's aqualip pens to draw on my finger. looks pretty nice ah! haha.. black at the top, one red strip in the middle and then black again. thats about it really.. i think got new songs to learn. and this time i have to pay attention to the drums. =|.

and i just got the newsletter from the finch site. they got a new song! omg damn nice. eh only registered users can download seh.. but aiya as if people wun send around lyddat. haha. its titled "bleed brother bleed". byee..

=(

heres the horoscope from friendster:
You're doing your best to navigate an emotional minefield blindfolded. No one -- absolutely no one -- seems willing to guide you. But you don't need them. Distract yourself any way you can. Try to remember that time really does heal all wounds, and that you've got your own life to live. In other words, make your plans with confidence. Your loved ones will get over it. Or not. Either way, remember that you can only do so much and move on.

nooooooooo!! haiz.. it is damn-fucking-hard, to try put up a happy facade but be so bruised and broken inside. i really dont know what to do. how come it didnt work? it was suppose to work! its.. argh this is going to be so cliched.. its damn fucking unfair. its damn chee bye. i mean, like i know, that saying all these doesnt do fuck. so i dunno why the fuck i still want to say. ok i am whining. and i promised not to whine. but haiz its so hard. ok lah. anyways checked out the libra horoscope:

There's not much you can't do once you put your mind to it. And your mind is certainly spinning now, because you've suddenly been struck with quite the urge to get really, really close to someone. Don't even try to avoid it, because absolutely nothing else will pacify you -- you'll go after what you want and get it. Sweetly and with no complaints. That's just how you get things done.

sounds pretty good. but.. i just dont know where things will go. i'm so lost. and so hurt. but you know what, here's a smile for you =).

boring boring boring.

going jamming later though, hope we can actually play stuff. because i still dont know who the hell the drummer is. anybody knows a drummer? a good one? but not too good because we suck? and uhh yah we need a drummer! and i think i kinda forgot the songlist. i know got ride, decade, in my eyes, try honesty uhh.. then i cant remember anymore! haha.. found the tabs already. after that go iman. hmm.. i sort of losing drive for my appeal. but i cant! i want the course. and.. haiz. sometimes, its really unfair. but i have no one to blame but myself and my stupidity. really, if only i had just put communications and media management first choice. i would have got it, easy as abc. but i didnt. i'm so stupid. if i dont get it, i dont think i'll ever forgive myself for this. haha.

time is flying by once more.. just realised that school is starting in no time.. and i wont have such long holidays anymore.. need to freaking buy clothes. thats the most annoying thing about polytechnic. why cant they use uniforms! they can even make more money by making the students buy uniforms and help students save money in return. i mean, most of you would probably have used the same uniform you bought in sec 1 until you're sec 4/5 right? umm except, common sense, long pants for guys. and i said most ah. so there are exceptionals. argh. just so annoyed. i'm so stupid. argh.

ehh.. hakim is coaching younger kids. i dunno what but i'm guessing soccer. hakim, dont teach them to watch porn ok. wahahhaha.. dont anyhow go perform MIRACLES. lmao lmao lmao.

ok lah my phone beep, time for me to shower. bye bye!

*always there*
*always waiting* =)

Friday, April 08, 2005

thanks for messaging me =).

i've decided. i think, to get him back , i shouldnt be whiny. i should be the funny, happy, fun loving, crappy, crazy girl he fell in love with. that's how i'm going to get him back. bye!

and thanks to yani and leyna who listened to what i had to say. it helped alot. =).

I MISS YOU. SO FUCKING MUCH.

And it hurts. alot. and.. first i was scared you'd go away, now i'm scared i'll drive you away. i know i'm whiny, but so will any normal person be when they've just been through what i did! i really miss you, every hour every minute every beluuhdy fucking second. everytime my handphone beeps/rings i pray i wish so so sooooo hard that it's you.. when i press the button.. and the phone is opening the message.. i get quite excited.. and when i see your name at the top of the screen. i'm super happy, then i proceed to read what you have to say. but when it isnt.. my heart and shoulders will just droop. (erm to all others out there its not that i dun wan to recieve your message ah you get what i mean). haiz. i dont know what to do. one half says just give it up, the other halfs wants it back.. so bad. and it really sucks.. to wait like this.. feeling that stupid kind of wanting and sadness feeling every moment.. i know life's like that and shit happens. but that sucks ok. but i know i'll never become a cynical bitch and if things dont go the way i want it to be.. so be it. i'll accept what comes my way. haiz.. i hate waiting. =(. yet.. pressurising is not the way to go.. bah..

anyways today met up with yani.. and arranged with fluzzy a surprise meeting for her. so sweet. haha. ate at pizza hut.. then bought my black capris. omg i fit a 26!! hahahahaha.. then went to century square coz i thot of doing my shopping today.. but in the end only bought a small bottle of body lotion that smells damn fucking nice. k i think i also want escada rockin rio man. it smells damn nice!! so i will go another day to shop for clothes.. for poly. haha. shit i want to wear uniform. why poly no uniform? damn neh neh. so i dont have to put up with looking at ugly cheenonehs. wahahaha.. mMm.. thats about it really..

well.. looking at the time now.. if my phone beeps, it SHOULD be him, but who knows what'll happen.

signing off in hurt and impatience.

guess who's back?

aww come on.. guess!

cant guess? aiya easy lah..

guess!!!!!!

ok dont play. It'S ME!!!! weeeeeeeeeeeeee i have my internet back and i can BLOG! lol. well, lots of things happened within the days i was without my internet.. had ups had downs. and holding on to hope. will be back again soon to blog. lazy to think back on what ive been doing. haha. oh anyways, i got into temasek poly, marketing, but i want communications and media management. appeal already. arent i so stupid? lol. if you dont feel so, i do. k take care and bubbye.